Unexpected things happened this week. I experienced a lot for the past few days which I have not anticipated that would be going to happen to me.

Tuesday
I went out with this guy friend last Tuesday. He invited me to hang out with his friends. I was expecting that I would felt out of place because first of all, that would be the first time I’ll meet his friends and second, I am not into vices. Well, okay. I tried to smoke last week but like what I have posted in my deleted entry that would be my first and last. I was right, I really felt out of place. I watched them play billiards, smoke and drink. They were having fun, you know, unlike me who was there, sitting on a high chair, unfortunately inhaling all the nicotine and drinking an iced tea. They asked me, “What do you do in your life since you don’t smoke, drink or play billiards?” You know what I told them? “I just study”. One of them chuckled. I was partly joking when I answered but deep inside me, I was serious. You all know that I am really serious with my studies and I don’t care if other people don’t. This is my life. This is my future. And when I watched him and his friends enjoy, I realized that we have different worlds. This is not my world. My interests are a lot way different from theirs. And I enjoy what I do in my life. When I was there, I was wondering if they were thinking if I am a kill joy person or a boring person. To my surprise, they still invited me to go out with them. I told them that I am not sure. Yes, I am not really sure because I know if I’ll go out with them again, the same scenario would happen. And I don’t want to feel being out of place ever again. I love going out but that’s not the kind of place I usually go to. I just don’t like the aura.

Friday
I don’t want to put into details what have happened last night because we (our group) promised that what happened last night at the house we’re staying will be kept secret. I just want to thank our very kind clinical instructor for what he had done because without him, a friendship will be totally ruined. I learned that a friendship doesn’t only require honesty, trust and loyalty, but also forgiveness and acceptance. If you have a friend, you should not expect a lot of things from him or her. Whatever that person is, you just have to accept that he or she is like that. Yes, you can be there to advise him or her for her to change her negative attitudes but you should not require him or her to just change it immediately. Changing something in your personality can not just happen in a snap. It happens gradually. I admit that that is my mistake. I expect a lot from other people and because of that attitude; I am easily disappointed with them. And I promise… I really promise to lessen that kind of attitude that I have. When we were in elementary, forgiveness has always been taught in school and I just forgot applying what I have learned. But last night, I felt relieved when I and my other group mate had this reconciliation. (Darn! My tears are starting to fall!) With just one hug, everything that have happened between us popped in the air like it just apparrated (a Harry Potter vocabulary). I know that the trust wouldn’t be regained as fast as a bullet but now that everything is has been talked about and fixed… we’re starting anew again as if we’ve just met last night. I am glad that this happened last night because in just nearly 62 days, we will all part ways and face the real world. I am just thankful that you know, I will graduate without any grudges or any guilt feelings with my friends.

Thank you, Lord. I know that these things happened in our group because You have plans for us… You want us to learn something. I may have broken into pieces but I am thankful because I know you will mold me again into one and make me a better person in the future. Amen.

Saturday
Congratulate us for we have finished our thesis in 2 weeks. Yeyness! Wish us luck for our defense. I can smell the graduation spirit!

PS
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! (Yey! I’m gonna celebrate it again alone! Woot! Kudos to all singles out there!ü)

My mom told me that when I was still in my infancy years, one should put some rubbing alcohol first on their hands before he or she will touch me, carry me or cuddle me. But that weird ritual of my mom faded ages ago when she has been told that I should also be exposed with dirt or else my immune system won’t get used to having 0.1% of microorganisms in my body. Hmmm… maybe that’s the reason why I am a very sickly person.

2 years ago, I became addicted with using rubbing alcohol. I can not leave my house without bringing a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. The reasons behind this is first, we are required to bring one when we’re on duty; second, I am dealing with infectious patients that’s why it’s a need to apply a small amount of alcohol every after you have come in contact with your patient; and third, it’s just a necessity for me whether I am on duty or not.

So when do we or I use a rubbing alcohol?

1. Before and after eating (especially when I am not home)
2. Before and after talking to the patient
3. Before and after doing a procedure to the patient such as inserting an IV line, Foley catheter and etc.
4. When I have touched something that has an unpleasant smell or texture
5. When cleaning some of my things such as ID, telephone, keyboard, mouse (of the personal computer), mirror and etc.

I am not an obsessive-compulsive person, by the way. It’s just that I want to limit the number of microorganisms entering my body in just 0.1%. Take a look at number 5. Some of you may be wondering why I use alcohol in my things. Well, obviously, those things have been touched and exposed and we never know if there are some viruses, bacteria or whatever pathogen it is that is residing on those things. But there is one thing I have learned just this morning when I got home feeling drowsy and haggard from a graveyard shift of 11pm to 7am…

DO NOT USE TOO MUCH ALCOHOL ON YOUR CELLPHONE.

I have been used to cleaning my cellular phone with a cotton ball partially soaked in alcohol. Earlier this morning, while waiting for the clock to strike 6am, I and my groupmate decided to clean our cellphones. But due to grogginess and sort of stupidity (Yes, I do admit it.), I poured a lot of alcohol on the cotton that made it completely drenched with a flammable liquid.

When I was on my way home and was about to text my mom that I am going home just to take a bath because I have to go to school for my exam at 10am (yes… you read that right. No rest and no sleep for our group. What a healthy lifestyle.), my cellphone’s keypads gone crazy. The down arrow key is not functioning. I decided to turn it off for a while. After a few minutes, I just realized that I can’t turn my cellphone on. Okay.. You get what I mean… my cellphone’s got busted due to my addiction of using alcohol. Argh.

*Wait… Why is my commenter-plugger not functioning?!*

NOTE: This is a tag-lish entry. I apologize if you won’t be able to understand what’s written here.

Marami ang nag-abang. Marami ang umasa. Ngunit muling di binigo ni Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao ang ating bansa, ang ating mga kababayan. Panalo sa Manny! Bwahaha! Astig ng pagkatumba ni Morales. Bwahaha! Kahit hindi ako nanonood ng boksing talagang natuwa ako sa nakita ko. Aba! Sinong Pilipino ang hindi matutuwa?!

Tama na ang katuwaan. Back to reality.

Last Wednesday, my groupmates told me that I have to go to our coordinator for some important matters. I went there and I just realized the purpose of consulting her. She told me that we should pass our thesis manuscript on February 8 and the defense will be held on Feb15. Lintek. Malapit na iyon. Yun yung biglang naisip ko. Halong panik at presyur ang naramdaman ko. Siyet! Wala pang natatapos ang grupo ko.

Last Thursday, my professor almost knocked my head on the door about our research. Natauhan ako na kelangan ko ng kumilos. Natauhan ako na imposible pa ang Music Therapy and Pain Level of Cancer Patients na topic namin sa thesis. Natauhan ako…. at eto.. napagdesisyunan kong magiba ng topic. 18 days before the passing of manuscript bigla kong naisipang magiba. 18 days yun! At hindi madaling tapusin ang manuscript sa loob ng 18 days. Siyet. Panic mode again. Gagraduate nga ba kame? Marami rami din ang hindi nakakagraduate dahil sa thesis. Lintek. Mawawala na yata ang pangarap kong makapag board exam sa June. Oktoberyan pa yata ang nagtatype na lokang ito. Siyet uli. Ang daming taong umasa sakin na makakagraduate ako sa April… pero mukhang hindi ko yata matutupad yun dahil sa lecheng thesis na ito. Hay… kung hindi man ako makagraduate.. sana maintindihan nila. At sana matauhan ang aking mga kagroupmate. Iyon ang kinasasama ng loob ko. Kung naaalala mo, napost ko sa previous entry ko yun “Worth pa ba ako bilang lider?” Inappoint akong lider dahil sa tingin nilang may “k” ako para maging isang lider.

Sino nga ba si Xyla bilang isang lider? Noon at ngayon…?
Noon: Prangka, istrikto, mataray, perfectionist pero in the end.. nakakaappreciate naman. Kaya kong mangbagsak noon kung kinakailangan matauhan ang isang kagrupo. Kaya kong sabihan ang tao kung ano ang hindi ko nagustuhan. Hindi ko ginagawa iyon dahil selfish ako.. ginagawa ko iyon.. para matuto sila.. naging ganoon ako dahil gusto ko, walang mangiiwan at walang mapagiiwanan. Maraming tao ang nagalit sakin. Maraming nakipagaway sakin dahil sa ganong sistema ko. Hindi nila ako naintindihan.

Napagisip isip ko na baguhin ko ang aking sistema…
Hindi ko tinanggap ang pagiging lider noong ako’y nasa 3rd year college. Sabi ko sa sarili ko.. gusto kong magobserve.. at siempre.. mamahinga.

4th year na…
Ngayon: Ano nga ba masasabi ko? Parang wala. Ewan. Nabawasan ang pagiging mataray. Nabawasan ang pagiging istrikto… nabawasan lahat ng nakalagay sa “noon:” Pero.. anong nangyari ngayon? Parang kalmado lang mga groupmates ko. Nung thursday, naiiyak na ako. Pinigil ko ang aking pagluha sa dahilang ayokong makita nila akong mahina at nanghihina sa presyur. Lalapitan ako ng kagroupmate ko.. sasabihin.. “Xy, musta na yung research?” Hanggang ganon na lang. wala man lang bukal sa kalooban na pagtulong. Kelangan ko pa silang untugin… kelangan ko pa silang utusan para kumilos. Pag nagtaray ako.. alam ko… marami nanaman akong maririnig habang nakatalikod ako. Sasabihin nila.. masyado kong sineseryoso. Lintek. Dito nakasalalay ang future ko.

Sino na si Xyla bilang lider? Selfish. Iniisip ko na lang… sige.. kahit ako na gagawa nitong thesis na ito.. Importante.. MAKAGRADUATE AKO. take note: AKO. Kung ano man ang mangyari sa defense at malaman ng panel na ang iba ay walang itinulong… ewan ko na lang. Sasabihin nila.. may itinulong sila… Sa Pagtatype? leche. Anong tulong iyon? Ang sakit ng utak at ulo ko sa kakaisip para sa punyetang thesis na ito… at isusumbat sakin ang pagtatype? Shet.. Pwede kayong maglagay ng sandamakmak na salonpas sa mga daliri ninyo sa pagod sa pagtatype… Pero ni-isang gamot.. walang makakapagkalma ng presyur na ito. Lalo na ako lang ang nagiisip para sa thesis na ito.

Kung sasabihin ninyo, bakit hindi ko sila kausapin… Nakausap ko na po sila. Ilang beses na. Hindi ako martir na tao.. at lalong lalo na hindi ako isang casette tape na pwedeng umulit ng umulit ng sermon at pakiusap. Sawa na ako. Sawang sawa na talaga.

Ipinagdadasal ko na lang talaga sa Diyos na makagraduate ako. Sana magkaroon ng mirakulo. Magpapapiyesta ako kapag nakagraduate ako ngayon April.

Siya nga pala.. bago naming topic for thesis: “The Rate of Usage of Conventional Medicines in comparison to the Rate of Usage Alternative Medicines of the Community Residents of Barangay Biluso in Silang, Cavite”

Ang pangarap naming Music Therapy ay ang strongest design for thesis… dahil experimental iyon… Ngayon.. ang Conventional and chuvaness na aming pinaguukulan.. o aking pinaguukulan ay ang weakes design for a thesis. dahil ito ay descriptive research lamang. Hay. Goodluck naman sa akin.

PS.
Okay na pala yun kapatid ko. Eto, inaaway nia na uli yung ate niyang presyurd.

WARNING: Long post ahead!

I shouldn’t be blogging right now but I just can’t control myself from letting all my feelings out. This week wasn’t that nice, actually. So let me have the floor and do the talking…

On my future colleagues

A few hours after I have posted or written my previous entry my sister was rushed to the nearest hospital due to unbearable abdominal pain and high fever. When we were in the Emergency Room, I expected that the nurse would do the tepid sponge bath (damp the skin with cold water and alcohol to release the heat) to my sister or either instruct me or my dad to do TSB as soon as her temperature would be taken. I was so disappointed that he didn’t do any of the two I have mentioned. Since I have learned that from school, I did it without waiting for any instructions because as far as I can remember, as soon as you see that the patient is febrile, TSB should be done immediately with or without doctor’s order. It’s an independent responsibility of a nurse – meaning you don’t have to wait for the doctor to tell you to do it. Another thing, the doctor who checked my sister seemed that he doesn’t know anything that he had to call the owner of the hospital to check my sister. Damn!

What hurt me about the scenario is that they were like not concerned of my sister’s condition. They are like one of those thousands of medical professionals who are after their salary. Where have their empathy, altruism and efficiency as a professional gone? In the infectious bin?

On Posers

It’s okay with me if you also have the things that I have, like (or crush) the guys I like, adore other stuffs that I adore… but when it seems that you’re getting over the limit, hey man, don’t you have any originality? There’s this one person whom I have met in school. When we first met (two years ago), she told me that she likes purple and red (the time that I got over with purple stuffs). I told her that I love pink. Then a year after, I was so crazy about pink and green stuffs that I told the group that if ever they will give me things it should be in green or pink. Then a few weeks after, I saw her things in pink and green and she kept on telling me that she loves the combination. A few months after, I told my group (again) that I am loving the combination of pink and brown (the time when pink and brown weren’t that ‘in’ yet). Guess what? I saw her things last 2 weeks in pink and brown! When we were in Cavite, I wore this pink and brown crocheted headband last two weeks (the time I saw her bag in pink and brown). And guess what again… a week after, I saw her wearing headband too with same style but different in color! That’s not it.

When we were in 3^rd year, I told her that I super like RJ Rizada since I studied in FEU and she even made some sort of negative comments about him. Then just last year, October 2005, when we were watching the Game 2 (FEU vs DLSU) she kept on cheering on RJ which surprised me a lot. I also had other crushes that she likes a few weeks after I’d tell her about them. Then we have this group mate who likes one of our class mate that she also liked a few days after. Fcuk galore! I and my other groupmate are really pissed with her. I know it’s just a petty thing and I don’t have the right to possess everything but it’s too obvious that she’s somewhat a copycat. Argh! Sorry if you think this is so corny but I can’t help it. If you’re in my position, you might feel the same way. Oh… did I tell you that she got involved with someone who’s taken and she’s acting innocent. She lied a million times despite the evidences we have. I should have changed the header. On Liars and Posers. (Am I mean? Tell me…)

On some online people

This isn’t a serious comment compared with the first two topics I have written but I will just post my opinion after reading Tammy’s previous entry. I have also observed that the real essence of blogging is getting out of the way. It’s becoming a competition with some people. Some people advertise their blogs everyday that it eats the space of my YM offline messages. They keep on telling the people that they have new posts and even requires them to comment. Some even posts in the comments area that are way out of the topic or either requires to visit their blog (again).

Man, it’s not in the number of comments that you have. It’s the content of your posts. Err… let me change this. It’s your discretion either you write an inspiring, long, short, hilarious, emo, Tagalog/ Spanish/ Ilocano/ Bisaya/ English or senseless posts (‘coz I myself post nonsense and out of the blue entries). Blogging doesn’t mean you have to get famous and every bloggers should read your entries. Blogging is just a high-tech form of writing through letting out your feelings and expressing your opinions and thoughts. The number of comments doesn’t reflect your popularity. Comment areas are not for advertising. Comment links are provided in blogs so that you can react with the entry written by the blogger. If you are against my opinion, I respect you. You just have to respect me and my opinion too.

I just got back from Cavite. Actually, I should have blogged earlier but our new thesis adviser just texted me to meet up with her. Since I am the group leader for our thesis, I decided to go to school and discuss our thesis with her even if I felt nausea tic at that time. She made a lot of comments in our thesis which I think will benefit us. And she taught me a lesson that I always fail to put in my mind. Credit every single work of my subordinates. Since I am very used to taking all the works, I barely praise my group mates’ work. And our adviser’s words struck me! How could I forget those simple thank you’s! My mind has been eaten by those pressure and stress that I failed to thank my group mates for those simple contributions in our thesis. My mind has been poisoned by their past wrong doings that I forgot that they may not have passed a perfect work but at least, they tried. Oh my… am I still the leader that my previous group mates look up to?

Anyways, like what I have said, I just got home from Cavite. Our 2nd week of our community immersion was fun. Thursday was really tiring. Despite the heat of the sun, we had house-to-house visits to check if they have herbal plants in their garden. We did that for about 2 hours. Although the walk-athon moments were very exhausting, we had hilarious experiences that I had a hard time getting back into my normal state. Hehe. The day ended with really haggard feet and legs. Thank God I haven’t say hello to varicose veins! Yesterday (Friday), I almost abused my throat. Our original plan was to conduct a seminar in one place for all the people in our assigned cluster at exactly 4pm. When we went to the agreed place, only one person came. Because we still wanted to continue our health education about Cancer, we decided to do house-to-house (again) health teachings. Aside from moving from one house to another under the heat of the sun, our repetitive lecturing of the topic was really energy consuming. I remember this 60-year old articulate man who debated with us about his beliefs. We told him that he should avoid those foods that have high content of uric acid, sugar and cholesterol. In spite of our concern, he insisted that he won’t be happy in his life if he will feed his self with nutritious yet not delicious foods. There were a lot of things we have debated but I do understand him because I know that he’s used with the old beliefs and it’s not that easy to change it.

We left Cavite earlier this morning with excitement of going back to our respective houses. Praise the Lord. Because of those tiring house-to-house visits, unfortunately, my skin darkened! Poor me! I really need to bring sun block lotion next week.

WARNING: TAGLISH post ahead.

Okay. So I decided to post na lang instead of putting slash slash edit in my entries. So again, I put another layout. I will stop on putting up layouts muna because busy-busyhan ang drama ng lola niyo. Ahihi.

First is about our Research. It’s a miracle that our group is starting to move and make an action about our thesis. The defense “daw” is on 20 and we haven’t implemented yet. Our thesis is about Music Therapy and Pain and Anxiety Levels of Cancer Patients. Sa dinami dami ba naman nang pwedeng i-undergo sa music therapy, bakit pa cancer patients naisip ko. (Ako kase nakaisip nung thesis). Ang hirap palang maghanap ng mga cancer patients. Does anyone of you know someone in Marian Oncology Center in Fairview? Yung tabi ng FEU Fairview? If yes, I am e-communicado through x@maldeetuh.org. Thanks in advance.

2nd is our Churva.. err.. about our review. Dahil rinding-rindi na kame sa kakasabi ng review center… pinalitan namin ng gay lingo… CHURVA! Okay. Our plan to review in Baguio is not included in our plan anymore. Kase the review starts in April 3 and ends on May3. Eh tentative schedule ng graduation (did I hear that right? graduation? Nakaaannnaaaa…. *nail biting*) day namin is April 7 or 9. Edi uwian kame nun? Sayang sa pera. So ayun, we decided na dito na lang sa Manila magreview. hay. Sayang naman ang pangarap kong ukay ukay. Ahaha. Akala ko pa naman.. Mapupuno ko ang nagfi-feeling ko walk-in closet. Nyak. Closet lang pala.

3rd.. ang chenes sa eclavu. meaning.. duty sa community. Hay. on Thursday, balik Cavite nanaman. Wala nanamang signal. Yun na nga lang ang kaligayahan ko.. Ang magtext. Kaya nga may texting time kame bago matulog. 10-11pm. haha. Kase pagpasok ng house na tinitirhan namin… mahina na signal. Para kameng nanalo sa lotto kapag nag 4 bars ang mga signal namin. Mapa globe, sun o smart. Tapos, on Friday, seminar namin about Cancer.. so magdidiscuss kame sa community people about cancer and chuvaness. Wish us luck. Sana ay maging matagumpay ang aming pangarap na seminar.

Grabe.. ngayon na lang ako nakapagpost ng taglish dahil kung mapapansin nio puro english ang mga post ko which I don’t see anything wrong about it. Eh kase.. pag minsan nagtatype ako.. tuloy-tuloy na ang english eh tsaka nahihirapan akong magspell sa tagalog. Parang text. Tsaka pag tagalog din… parang lumalabas ang kadaldalan ko. (Makakarelate dito ang lagi kong kachat na sina Gee, She, Thian, Grace and chuvaners…)

O siya. Yun lang. Aylabyooo ol!
Teka.. ang ganda pala ng araw ko kanina.. Nakita ko si RJ Rizada.. at nasabi ko lang.. “Oh my god.. oh my god.. oh my god.. ” haha!